Ky Cat Stats

These girls got nothin’ on what AW is going to find at UK.  Trust me on this, you guys.  

We here at Ky Cat Stats have intercepted the proposed agenda for tomorrow’s Official Visit with Andrew Wiggins.  Looks like John Calipari has a full day scheduled for Mr. Wiggins.  Here’s the breakdown:

At 8:00 AM, Mr. Wiggins will be picked up by the limo driver.  The door will already be open however so Wiggins is not able to see who is actually driving the limo. Once inside, the window will roll down to reveal the the driver is none other than Joe B. Hall.  Coach Hall will spend the next hour showing Wiggins and his family all the need-to-see sights in Lexington, and will eventually get lost and find himself down at Wheeler’s Pharmacy.

Upon arriving at Wheeler’s Pharmacy, Mr. Wiggins will be introduced to Sam Bowie, Kenny Walker, and some old codger most commonly known as “Oscar Combs.”  Coach Calipari will conveniently be there, enjoying his usual three cheese omelet and a few strips of bacon.  Mr. Wiggins will be present while many old UK stories are shared, and will become very much up and up on UK history.

If still not sold on becoming a Wildcat, Coach Cal and DeWayne Peevy will then accompany Mr. Wiggins over to the Craft Center, where morning walk-through practice is about to begin.  Wiggins will get to watch the walk-through, and will then be given an opportunity to do a full work-out himself in the Craft Center, just a chance to shoot ball with some of the players, especially Todd Lanter who has become the “go-to” player recruiter, according to transcriptions.

From there, Mr. Wiggins will be treated with a full tour of the Wildcat Coal Lodge Center, as well as the Craft Center.  He gets to see all the rooms and all the training facilities, all while being guided by members of the dance team.  It’s projected at least 10 will be needed to give Mr. Wiggins the guided tour.

At this point, Mr. Wiggins and his family will be hungry, so they’ll head over to the team facility and be treated to a 3 course meal, fit for any person on a calorie restricted diet.  There, he will meet with team trainers who will talk about the diets of UK players and what UK is doing that is on the cutting edge in regards to monitoring players caloric intake while still allowing them to be kids (sort of).

Three cakes will be presented to the Wiggins family after the meal.  If Wiggins chooses the Red Velvet cake at that time, you’ll know he’s coming to Kentucky.  You’ll also know that Julius Randle is coming with him.

At that point, Wiggins and his family will be transported over to Rupp Arena, and given a whole tour of the new locker room and conference areas by a golf-cart driving flat-topped person code-named “Nerlens”.  He’ll show Mr. Wiggins all the areas he needs to be concerned with, including where the cheerleaders tend to congregate before games.  From there, he’ll be taken before Coach Cal again, where he and his family will talk nothing but why they need to come to UK, and why Andrew Wiggins will get to follow in the footsteps of amazing wing players, like Derek Anderson, who will also give them a free copy of his upcoming book.  He will also be introduced to Papa John, who will serve him with pizza before the game, as well as newly single Ashley Judd, who will have some words of wisdom for Mr. Wiggins (as well as a personal phone number exchange).

Finally, Wiggins and his family will get taken to their seats,where they’ll get to sit next to Mark Stoops and his family, where Stoops will get so in to the game that Wiggins will lately remark, “I was inspired by his competitive nature, I almost wanted to go play football for the guy, then I remembered I’m the future #1 pick in the NBA draft.”

After the game is over, Wiggins and his family will spend time in the locker room with the jubilant players, who all will talk about how important Wiggins has been to them over the past year, and how much more important he would be if he came to UK.

Andrew will head to the hotel afterward, and return in the morning for some film studies, a look at practice, and “cookies and milk.”

I don’t know about you, but it sounds like a pretty freakin’ awesome visit.

Go Big Blue!